It’s great being back!
Home, in Manchester, where I’ve spent almost the past 20 years. But it’s definitely different now. I’m different.
I’m not as bothered by cleaning the fridge out or the mess in the kitchen or the fact that I have stepped out of my ‘career path’. Hang on a sec. ‘Career’. The dictionary just said ‘to move swiftly in an uncontrolled way’. I think I can handle that. The other definition is far less appealing. In fact that definition pretty much fits what I’ve been doing for 20 years.
I’m sat here, maybe on a bit of a comedown from my adventure, but definitely with an eye twinkle I did not have before. I’m going back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks off without any sort of holiday pay as I had been working part time in a grocery shop (I thank my amazing wife Beth for juggling everything to keep us afloat in that time). I’m not sure I should be on my feet at the moment because of the stress fracture in my right foot. It’s been a bit painful since I got back, but I don’t have many options for work.
Myself and Beth were walking the dog yesterday and I was saying how I should do a facebook post to see if anyone could give me work where I didn’t have to stand up. We got back and there was a text message from a friend offering me some hours doing admin. Did I just make that happen through saying it out loud?! Is writing the same as saying it out loud?
Ok. I want to write a book on my experiences this past month!……hello?!…….anyone out there?!…nothing yet..
Being back is weird.
There’s the question around what I should do next. There are the experiences I’ve just had, churning around in my brain; in my soul, begging me to keep looking at them and learning from them. The tremendous focus of attention I experienced on the run up and during my walk has changed me. Raising over £17,000 (almost €22,000) for charity so far has been a huge bonus and has taken a lot of focus. Giving myself the space to deal with Aoife’s life and death has been such a gift and I feel privileged to have done that. There were parts of my mind, parts of my inner chatter which were always affected by my not taking time out. I worked for 20 years and went on holiday every now and again but never alone. What a journey that was.
My work situation is not a problem. I have just learned in 6 months what 20 years of hard work could not teach me. Looking after ourselves and each other is the most important thing we can do.
So look after yourself, look after others. Give yourself the space to change when you need to. Give yourself the time to grieve.
It’s great being back.